So yeah okay I've started another one, I just needed the right combination of boredness and something to rant about to motivate me.
So here we go.
Today I went to The Painted Lady Tearoom in Norfolk. You know, the place that Locals love to rave about? Overrated. Completely.
So, it takes forever to find the stupid place. While the gaudy pink and ultra-feminine Victorian exterior of the place might make it an eyesore anywhere else, it fits in nicely with all the other tacky Ghent establishments where the "well, it costs a lot so it must be good" fallacy is alive and well.
Enter the lobby. It takes several minutes for the flamboyantly gay host to notice that we'd like to be seated, after which he snaps "Do you want lunch or afternoon tea?" Mr. Sassy does not trouble himself to escort us to our table, but flicks his wrist, as only a fruity man working in a teahouse can, in the general direction of our table two rooms away. We're not sure which one is ours....so we just pick one.
While I was looking forward to a yummy lunch, we unfortunately arrived soon after lunch had stopped being served. So we picked from the Afternoon tea menu--or rather, two choices: the big tea, or the small tea. I went with the larger tea; for 12.95, I figured, It should be nice and filling.
The waitress took our "order," including what kind of teas we all wanted, and then left for quite awhile, giving us time to take in the decor.
Oh please. I had better interior designing skill when I was six and decorated my room with barbie posters. The floors and walls were dirty, with visable water damage. The plates and cups and tea strainer things were all mismatched and chipped (Hello, Goodwill!) AH! But the tablecloth was clean. That must be why people love the place.
After awhile, I start wondering how hard it could be to throw the already-made pastry food things on plates and bring them out. Fortunately, the waitress had already brough us our pots of tea, so I whiled away the time by drinking several cupfuls. I must admit, the highlight of my dining experience was trying to pick up sugar cubes with a doll-sized sugar cube tongs. Entertaining. ....right.
So then the waitress comes with this dish thing that is three tiers tall; the top plate is the size of a fist and the bottom plate is the size of a roll plate. The total area of all the dishes might equal that of a dinner plate. It think "great, here's food, but why didn't she bring everybody's all at once?" only to find out that....IT IS EVERYBODYS FOOD. 12.95 bought me: a mini scone, a cookie, a lemon bar, a strawberry, a pecan cookie, and three MINI sandwiches (if they can be called that--think the size of a ritz cracker), oh --and the tea.
Food quality: can we say "Nabisco?" Seriously, everything tasted packaged, and the "sandwiches" were vile little things--bread with gobs of mayo merely garnished with turkey or cheese. Inedible. I swear, I would have a had a more enjoyable meal with a box of hohos and pringles. I threw better tea-parties for my stuffed animals with fisher price dishware when I was, yes, 6.
Next time I want to have the "Painted Lady" experience, i'll open up a pack of little debbie snack cakes, sit in my garage, and pour some tea into my favorite Goodwill mug. Nosh time.
Don't give this place your money, and don't believe the crap that everybody so enamored with it gushes.
I think I'm done. Now that I've got my complaining out of my system who knows when the next time i'll update this thing will be.
